Until when?

"Tinanggap ko lahat kahit masakit... Ginawa ko lahat kahit mahirap… Binigay ko lahat kahit wala na… Sa tingin mo, sapat na ba yun para masabing mahal ko siya?

…O sapat na para huminto na?"

In life, we are sometimes lucky to meet someone we learn to trust. When we do, we hold on to that person. We open up. We confide in him. We give all of ourselves. There are even those times that we allow our lives to revolve around that person.

Because we’re happy.

Because that person makes us happy.

Because it feels good to be needed.

Because it feels good to love and be loved.

Even just as a friend.

But what if one day, at a sudden twist of fate, you somehow learn that you have been betrayed?

You know him. You know him well enough to believe that he’d lie to everyone. Everyone but you.

Lying. What is it exactly? Concealing the truth by telling untruths? I think it’s more than that. Keeping the truth from being known is just as bad.

I have always despised lying. Maybe because I have never been good at it. Or maybe because I’ve seen many good friendships destroyed because of it.

So what do you do if the one person you trust the most lied to you?

To protect you.

To spare you from pain.

To keep a promise you knew he couldn’t. But because he swore to it, you still believed.

It wasn’t the first time he lied. It wasn’t the first time he kept you from knowing the whole truth. It wasn’t the first time he broke his promise. It wasn’t the first time he hurt you because of it.

Yes. It wasn’t the first time.

But as with the many first times, you want to believe he never meant to hurt you. You blame the circumstance, not the person. You rationalize everything and end up making yourself believe that you are both victims of that situation. As with the many first times, you refuse to let go. You hold on. Even if it hurts so much. Even if you know that one day, the pain would eventually kill you.

But until when? Until when do you go on believing? Until when would you turn the world upside down just to hold on to whatever is left of the friendship? Until when could you lie to yourself to cover up his lying?

How ironic.

Many times, you chose to let go. But for some reason, you always go back. You tolerate the pain. You swallow your pride. You ignore your own conscience. You disregard everyone’s advices. You even go behind your parents’ back. All for the sake of holding on.

Is it even worth it?

How do you know if it’s time to give up? How do you know if you should already let go? How much pain do you have to go through before it’s finally time to move on?

Until when do I have to let myself put up with all these?

I’m tired. Of hurting. Of crying. Of believing. Of trusting. Of loving…

Do I stop now?

…Or should I endure more?